My name is unconventional to most. My mother chose it when she was pregnant with me inside of her uterus, after having a dream about a boy who drowned in her village. He said that I would inherit his name, Tutussaq. And so, I did. Most people ask me what it means - they say it's beautiful, like they weren't just asking me how to pronounce it - and my answer is the same every time.
It means nothing at all.
Because our names in Yup'ik culture are passed onto children from people who passed away, they often mean nothing, and it baffles and surprises people that I, a person with an 'exotic' name was given no meaning to it. And most of these people, who tend to be white, look at me with surprise and confusion evident on their faces.
To which I have to smile and grin and coax them back onto the topic at hand, be it at the doctor's office, the grocery store picking up my dog's prescriptions, or just doing paperwork. Why does my name have to mean anything for it to be beautiful? Can it not be just my name?
There are some names, granted, that mean things inside of my culture. My name, Tutussaq, is not one of them. Neither is my brother's name, Cungak. We were forms of rebellion for my mother. Forms of expression. Ties to her culture. Because when she named us, she decided to go for the Yup'ik way, instead of the White conventional naming strategy. We were the first of many kids to be named this way, my brother and I.
So the next time that you meet someone with an 'unconventional' name, don't say that it's beautiful, or ask what it means.
Because the chances are, it's just a name, and they're just trying to get by.
Comments